Jim and Ari: Part 2

[Note: I had a few of these skits outlined before I was shocked with news from Nikki Finke that Jim Wiatt would not be a part of WME after the merger. This, of course, spelled the end of my Odd Couple redux. But this is a fate that many series face: premature cancellation. Luckily, I am fortunate enough to go out on my terms. My terms, of course, being a montage. Please let the following video set the mood as you read on.]

Jim walks past the rows of cubicles.  The world moves in slow-motion around him.  Assistants stare at him as he walks by.  Agents take off their ear pieces and come out of their offices.  Someone starts to clap.  The applause spreads through the entire office.  We hear people cheering.

Employees are gathered around as pieces are cut out of a William Morris cake.  Ari is the only one eating from the WME-decorated one.

All of the employees have gone home.  The office is empty.  Three assistants round the corner, carrying boxes of office knickknacks.  Jim follows them toward the exit.  The lights click off behind them as they walk down the hall.

Jim stands next to a yellow cab.  He stares up at the black glass building.  A tear wells in his eye.

Jim sits alone at the end of a seedy bar, his tie loosened and sweat collecting on his forehead.  Despite the bartender's protests, he demands another drink.

Dragging his coat on the ground, Jim stands in front of the hole on Beverly Drive that will one day be the new WME building.  He takes a coin from his pocket, twists it in his fingers, and then flips the coin into the hole.  He closes his eyes and makes a wish.

Jim tosses his coat over his shoulder, walks away, and disappears into the night.

Until next time,

Assistant Chronicles

Watch Blue Movies

Shameless plug alert! Blue Movies is an upcoming web series that I helped with recently.  Please visit their website for updates and enjoy the trailer below in the meantime:

Blue Movies Trailer from Scott Brown on Vimeo.

Until next time,

Assistant Chronicles

Keep Making Copies

I receive a lot of emails from readers. I don't receive any emails. Many of them are seeking my advice. There's no way that's true. You see, there are predicaments that arise only after you begin working as an assistant that may not seem apparent before you begin. Such as referring to yourself as an "asst" all the time.

So let's drop the conflicting inner monologue. Thank God! And get down to business! All right! I said, drop it!

One problem I have encountered over the years is that of the Boss' Black Hole. The problem becomes immediately apparent because your task as an assistant frequently involves receiving items and passing them off to your boss. Inter-office memos come in, as do schedules, notes, scripts, whatever. You stack them, sort them, and give them to your boss.

Your boss, in turn, immediately loses whatever he is given.

This happens without fail virtually 100% of the time. An important script will be dropped off on your desk, your boss will ask for the script, you will put it on his desk, and three hours later your boss will ask for the script again. "I put it on your desk already," is not an acceptable response. Your boss knows this. Regardless, your boss expects you to produce duplicates of any document at any time.

Sure, becoming best friends with the copy machine is an obvious step toward resolving this dilemma. But what if your boss takes your last copy? How many copies deep should you have on stand-by? Where do you store all of these? There's an inherent danger in producing too many copies.

Insist on receiving all documents electronically. Then you can print copies on-demand. If a hard copy of anything is delivered to you, contact the sender and ask them to send you a PDF or Word Doc.

Find a DVD copier. Any disc that flies into your boss' office is sure to disappear almost instantaneously. Most can be ripped on a Mac using Disk Utility. I'm sure there are PC methods as well. These are always nice to stockpile, too, as burning a DVD takes longer than printing something.

There are some documents that you'll use over and over as an assistant, and may not realize this until the fifth or sixth time you have to track it down again. Here's a list of a few items I like to keep filed away:

Credit Card - You'll be making purchases for your boss all the time: ordering meals, buying gifts for friends, paying for plastic surgery appointments, etc. Keeping a copy of your boss' credit card on hand will save you the hassle - and potential embarrassment - of digging through a purse or wallet each time. Be sure to copy the back of the card, too.

Driver's License - A good assistant does a great imitation of their boss. Having personal details on hand helps with the performance.

Car Insurance - I had a boss that called me after she rear-ended someone. She handed the phone to the other driver and we exchanged insurance information. Simultaneously, I had to call her a cab so she could proceed to her meeting.

Basically, I subscribe to the belief that you can never have too much information as an assistant.

Until next time,

Assistant Chronicles

Site I Like: Advice from a Personal Assistant

I'm always looking for opportunities to recognize fellow assistants out there, and I recently stumbled upon a fun and helpful blog called Advice from a Personal Assistant.  Her recommendations about where to get gifts for your boss are especially helpful.  So check it out!

Until next time,

Assistant Chronicles

Assistants in the News: The Proposal

The Walt Disney Machine screened The Proposal (IMDB at your own risk) last night and invited assistants from all over town to attend.  The picture on Nikki Finke's post is priceless.  Everyone looks so giddy (obviously the photo was taken before the screening) and all have that "Is this real life?" look on their face.  

Was this merely an excuse to type Nikkie Finke's name?  Yes.  I can't help myself.

Nikki Finke.

Now I'm done.  Nikki Finke.

Starting now.

Until next time,

Assistant Chronicles